Children and adults have the same basic emotions—joy, fear, anger, sadness, surprise, love—but different timelines.
In children:
- Emotions rise fast,
- Peak high,
- And drop quickly,
- With limited tools for modulation.
In adults:
- Emotions often rise more slowly,
- Are filtered through memory and context,
- And can be delayed or suppressed for “later.”
A child’s “overreaction” is often a normal reaction in a nervous system that hasn’t yet learned how to hold the feeling gently.
Developmental research shows that the systems for feeling (limbic structures) mature earlier than the systems for managing (prefrontal cortex). That’s why “you know better” doesn’t automatically turn into “you can do better” under stress.
The work for adults is to hold both truths:
- Yes, the feeling is valid.
- No, not every behavior is acceptable.
Children learn this best from adults who can say “Your anger is okay; hitting is not. Let’s find another way for that feeling.”
